4 Ways You Can Invest In Your Marriage This Week

“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back.”—Plato

The best marriages are made in heaven. Love runs deep through the very core of a happy marriage. In marriage, we promise to love and cherish our spouse; forsaking all others. Indeed, in order to have a happy marriage; the needs of our husband or wife must be met over the needs of all others in our lives. A happy marriage involves sacrificial love. Whilst we may live in a society which places our individual needs and wants as paramount; marriage turns this on its head. Within a happy marriage, we want to satisfy the needs of our spouse in order for us to grow stronger together. Within this precious relationship, we become increasingly interdependent as the years roll by. 

• A happy marriage says you first. 
• A healthy marriage celebrates the fulfilment of our spouse’s needs above our own desires. 
• A happy marriage is that where we work as a team; we are strengthened by each other. 
• A healthy marriage involves us living more fully as we grow in interdependence together. 

But just what does a happy marriage look like day-to-day? The marriage vows speak beautifully and passionately of being together for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. This is an incredible covenant to enter into. So, what does a happy marriage look like on a busy Monday morning? Read on to hear four ways in which you can invest in your marriage this week. 

1. Consciously Prioritize Your Marriage Above All Else

A happy marriage involves the daily choice to honour all of our marriage vows. We must be intentional about how we spend our time and energy. It is easy to fill our lives with the endless requests and demands which come our way. Yet, a longer day is never coming! If we want to cherish our marriages with purpose and passion then this must start today. We must learn to ruthlessly say no to the activities which eat away at our time so that we can say a wholehearted yes to our marriage. 

A happy marriage is one in which our partner knows, without a doubt, that he or she is our top priority. A happy marriage often sacrifices our individual desires so that we can grow stronger together. In order to do this, we must consciously decide in advance that the living out of the marriage vows comes above all else. Then, when we have the choice of a night out when it clashes with our date night; the decision comes naturally. When we feel the pull to lose ourselves to our phones rather than catching up together on our day’s highs and lows; the decision to cherish each other comes easily. 

2. Time Outdoors Together

The benefits of time outdoors are immense and heavily documented. Research tells us that spending time outside reduces our stress and anxiety levels [1]. When we spend time in the great outdoors our relationships are strengthened. We find it easier to process emotions. This has a positive effect on our own emotional regulation [2]. In short, we are more likely to have a happy marriage when we spend time outdoors together. 

Nature has a healing impact on the tension and conflict which we will inevitably experience as two become one. When we breathe in the fresh, healthy air outdoors we simultaneously breathe new life and understanding into our marriages. Switch off your screens and enjoy a walk together in a beautiful place that you both appreciate. Take in a glorious view together as, hand-in-hand, you strengthen the foundations of your precious marriage. 

3. Be Present

This sounds simple, right?! You live in the same house; you eat meals together; you watch TV on the sofa together in the evenings – surely you are spending lots of time present together. However, what makes a happy marriage is being mentally and emotionally present with our spouse not just being physically present. It is then that we can truly listen to our spouse and be heard ourselves. When we are emotionally present; we prioritise our marriage above the to-do list in our head and the endless chatter which our phones deliver to us. Being mentally present is about saying yes to loving our partner minute by minute; in the small everyday moments which make up our lives. 

So, just what does being mentally present in our marriages look like? It means you put down what you are doing and go to greet your partner when they arrive home. It means checking in with your partner and their wellbeing throughout the day. You put down your phone (leave it on silent or in another room) and make eye contact with your partner. You truly listen to the story of their day without another narrative running in your head. This is what saying “you first” looks like within a happy marriage. It is how we cherish each other in the little moments. 

4. Slow Down and Enjoy Mealtimes Together

“What is this life if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare……

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.”

This extract from the poem Leisure by William Henry Davies, captures the essence of slowing down within our marriages so that we can appreciate and love each other more fully. Perhaps it is mealtimes particularly which have become a casualty of modern living. Slow, wholesome family meals enjoyed together have been replaced by highly processed fast-food; frequently eaten on-the-go or in front of a screen. Yet, a happy marriage requires the investment of time and conversation. We must be seen and known for who we truly are so that we can flourish and grow, safe upon the firm foundations of our marriage. 

When we eat together; we can experience satisfaction and happiness together. We share our daily joys and frustrations over a shared meal. Our conversations, the building blocks of our marriages, should not be rushed or reduced to a convenience. Instead, a slow delicious healthy meal shared together is the perfect setting in which to share more of ourselves. One cannot rush a happy marriage. This week, see if you can plan a time to enjoy talking together over one of your favourite meals. 

May your marriage grow in beauty and love with each passing year; I wish you a deeply happy marriage. 

References

[1] Andkjær, S., Klein-Wengel, T. T., Ishøi, A., & Bjørk Petersen, C. (2021). Being and doing in the outdoors brings something extra! Evaluating the Danish Healthy in Nature Project. International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-Being, 16(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/17482631.2021.1983947

[2] Therapy in the open air: introducing wilderness therapy to adolescent mental health services in Scandinavia, accessed via: https://psykologisk.no/sp/2015/09/e14/